While I search-out the right "visual" for another blog I'm writing - it involves a walnut & my recent return trip to hospital. Compelling, yes? - I thought I'd share honestly from this week.
Even as all signs point to brighter days, with pretty baked fruit & my palette project, there have been some really sad times around Porter Rd of late.
After an extremely tumultuous & wretched few months, the dust has started to settle. I believe this means the shock has worn off... I've been contemplating the fragmented pieces of our family & future plans, & have floundered in my efforts to piece it back together neatly.
While I watch others world's move forward, and they become mums with growing families, I'm left standing still, missing the twins. I'm wrestling with God's unique timing & longing to feel at peace with what He has for me in the months ahead. Two little lives have left an enormous gap.
In thinking this through, my immediate, heart-wrenching desire is to pick-up the phone & talk to my precious dad - to seek his wise & calm opinion; receive his loving counsel; hear his laughter - as I work through doubts & disappointments. His absence is being felt with renewed depth.
And in the midst of this, I'm weakened by a body that wont quite behave! So I sit for another week in my comfy pants (ugh) & rest. Nooooot one of my favorite Doctors orders.
All combined together it has been enough to make me seriously contemplate pulling the curtains tightly shut & watching reruns of "Friends" until 2012 arrives.
BUT [thankfully there is always a 'but'] no need to send-in search & rescue for me. I have found that God graciously continues to pull me out each day to see His beauty & experience His love in small & wonderful ways...
Be it the glorious Fall weather, enjoyed with the doors flung open...
Sharing a belly-laugh with my sister over the phone...
Drinking my morning coffee on the front porch chair, alongside a man that patiently loves me...
Being spoiled by friend's inspired home-cooking...
Even as all signs point to brighter days, with pretty baked fruit & my palette project, there have been some really sad times around Porter Rd of late.
After an extremely tumultuous & wretched few months, the dust has started to settle. I believe this means the shock has worn off... I've been contemplating the fragmented pieces of our family & future plans, & have floundered in my efforts to piece it back together neatly.
While I watch others world's move forward, and they become mums with growing families, I'm left standing still, missing the twins. I'm wrestling with God's unique timing & longing to feel at peace with what He has for me in the months ahead. Two little lives have left an enormous gap.
In thinking this through, my immediate, heart-wrenching desire is to pick-up the phone & talk to my precious dad - to seek his wise & calm opinion; receive his loving counsel; hear his laughter - as I work through doubts & disappointments. His absence is being felt with renewed depth.
And in the midst of this, I'm weakened by a body that wont quite behave! So I sit for another week in my comfy pants (ugh) & rest. Nooooot one of my favorite Doctors orders.
All combined together it has been enough to make me seriously contemplate pulling the curtains tightly shut & watching reruns of "Friends" until 2012 arrives.
BUT [thankfully there is always a 'but'] no need to send-in search & rescue for me. I have found that God graciously continues to pull me out each day to see His beauty & experience His love in small & wonderful ways...
Be it the glorious Fall weather, enjoyed with the doors flung open...
Sharing a belly-laugh with my sister over the phone...
Drinking my morning coffee on the front porch chair, alongside a man that patiently loves me...
Being spoiled by friend's inspired home-cooking...
Although I may be having teary times & wondering how to make sense of each new & painful change within our world, I know there is One who will not let me go. Every morning I mull things over & end-up reminding my heart of the truth of my Savior...
He see's the whole picture perfectly; He provides for me daily; He gifts me these moments of simple but delightful joy; He promises a beautiful redemption & reunion of all that is broken & lost.
Come Lord Jesus, Come!
xx
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3 comments:
Thinking of you with much love and prayers, Cassie! Sending a big hug to you....Hayley
Your an amazing women Cassie!
Thanks for your honesty and openess.
Still in our prayers. x
OH, Cass! I wish I was there to help---not sure if I would be of much help (I know i'm more crazy than helpful)....but I would do anything and everything I could to help you and Nathan. You are so amazing--and I love how honest you are with your friends/blog readers. I am so sad that you are struggling and having health issues--we are praying for you. Please let us know if you need anything! We love you:)
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